Judgment on the Camino

Day #7 on the Camino was an especially hard day…and I’m not entirely sure why. There was unexpected elevation change. Rain provided nourishment to the earth for most of the day -and it was an easy rain, no down pours. 10.6 miles turned into 14+. So we walked and our bodies struggled (feet mostly) Rick was the pilgrim with no physical issues. He rocked it again. 

Today, Judgement was alive and well in my mind. 

When you are on the trail, judgment shows up in quiet ways. Self judgement came creeping in. I compare myself to the pilgrim effortlessly climbing the hill while I stop to take a break. 

I notice pilgrims effortlessly walking faster than me.  I wonder if I packed the wrong things, I wondered if I trained enough, could I walk faster to keep up, do I really belong here.

The harshest judgement —seems to come from myself.

• “I should be stronger.”
• “I should not be this tired.”
• “Why am I struggling?”
• “Everyone else seems to be doing better.”

But now that I am in the nightly accommodations, I am reflecting on what all of that really means. This is supposed to be a reflective time, right? I believe that this is a Camino teaching moment. And I believe the lesson is:  No one walks the same Camino.

Every pilgrim carries something no one else can see, something invisible.
Pain. Loss. Fear. Regret. Questions. Hope. A restless mind. A need to prove something to someone (most likely themselves)—or heal something.

And the reality—-the Camino does not care how fast you walk, what brand of shoes you chose, how good you look in that new shirt you bought, how much you weigh, how old you are. It only asks that you keep going.

In 7 days on the Camino, I have learned that some days—success is getting to the next town and some days—success is simply refusing to quit—it’s that one foot in front of the other thing.

I am beginning to realize that much of the journey is not about judgment from others at all. Most pilgrims are too busy fighting their own battles to be judgmental. The real challenge is mastering the voice inside my head—the one that minimizes accomplishments and focuses on shortcomings instead of courage.

Because what I have learned ——walking this Camino takes courage.  Getting up sore and exhausted, and choosing to continue anyway. Continuing despite age, pain, doubt, rain, blisters, and uncertainty—that really matters.

Maybe, part of this pilgrimage is learning to give myself the same grace and understanding that I give to others.

And maybe that is what the Camino wants me to learn..